“Why-ning”

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Just saw James Robinson’s show “Life Today” and he was talking about a book that he and his wife, Betty, have written entitled: Living in Love. He said he and Betty should not still be together, but they have been married for 47 years and have a dynamic relationship. It is not that they are perfect and don’t still have difficulties, but they work through them.

Marriage is a constant effort. Unfortunately, most people don’t understand that and think they have a contract instead of a covenant with their spouse. The devil will do all he can to destroy the commitment and love couples have for each other. It is a constant battle! If one isn’t ready for the battle, then one isn’t ready for marriage. Feelings of love come and go in a relationship, but true love goes beyond those feelings.

The battlefield is the mind and satan waged war on me just last week; feeding me thoughts that made me feel very unloved and neglected. I felt like I had to do everything to keep this relationship alive and that I was very tired of having to do it all. Why couldn’t I be the recipient instead of the initiator for once! I felt like I have been investing a lot of effort, but the returns were not very good for all my effort. It all felt very unfair to me. The negative thoughts built and built until I began to get myself into a pity party. I mean I have been through a lot this year with the cancer and all it encompasses why do I have to be responsible for keeping love alive as well! I went along like this for about three days then I started to see how destructive my thoughts were. Oh, I had been praying but I wasn’t doing much listening.

I finally started listening then started hearing God. One of the first things He did was ask me how loveable I had been lately. I knew it was Him because I wasn’t wanting to talk about me. My honest answer was that I hadn’t been very lovable at all due to my terrible mood. I asked God, “Why couldn’t my husband rise up and be what I needed then my mood would change, and I would be more lovable.” “Why is that I have to do it all.” “Why does my mood determine the family’s mood?” “Why can’t my family do something to help my mood?” I noticed that I was “why-ning” a lot. I was expecting my husband to do things he has no idea how to do. Two broken people trying to fix each other is not possible. One of us must turn to the one who can fix the brokenness in our lives. I cannot change him, but I can change me by getting God’s perspective on things.

So that is what I am trying to do. In fact, I really have all I can handle in regards to my own inadequacies and letting God mold me and make me into his image without worrying about someone else’s reshaping. They’ll have to handle that themselves with God. But amazingly when I start focusing on becoming more of the woman I need to be for God, what others do or don’t do doesn’t bother me as much . Plus others seem to follow suit. If I am mean and crabby then they are mean and crabby. If I am pleasing God and happy they are trying to be as well. It is almost like playing “follow the leader” sometimes and as long as God is the leader we will not trip and fall.

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